Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
