I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
