I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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