Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
