I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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