You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
