we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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