So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
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