and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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