Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
