i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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