we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
