Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
