"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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