the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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