when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
