when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
