dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
