Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
