Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
