i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
