Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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