the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
