This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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