so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
