I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
