She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
