Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
