from now on my penis is your penis
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
