FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
