Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Randomize
