i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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