My brain says no but my pants say off.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
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I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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