I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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