I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
