you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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