its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
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Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
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You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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