we have pet lesbian snakes
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize