Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
