Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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