I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
