woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
