He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
