maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
