Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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