He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
