Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
