Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she told me i tasted like america
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
