oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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