I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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