I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
im holly from the hills drunk
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
my penis made a compromise with my morals
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
