I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
