When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish i was in the wii world.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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