Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
