I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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