Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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