watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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