tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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