I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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