Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
MIDGETS
????
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
