Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
