we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
