you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
