Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
