Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
