I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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