dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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