He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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