It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
