Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
