Someone shit on the floor
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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