It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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