Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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