I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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