Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
