you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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