She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
