Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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