you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
