If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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