You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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