So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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