but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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