I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The air was thick with penises
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
