Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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