he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
