Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
All the doctor said was why
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
