The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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